5 Year Plan

In the book I'm reading right now, the author talks about the 5-year plan he had in his mid-20's. Reading this has just stirred up some already-stressful thoughts for me.

I know there are high expectations for me in my job and that there are some pretty substantial aspirations for me by others in my department. I'm fine with it, because it feels good to have that kind of appreciation and confidence in me, and because I know I'd like to move up somehow from my current position - but there's a lot of pressure associated with this too. Not pressure to succeed necessarily - I'm not really concerned about that, not because I'm over-confidant but because I know I'm always going to give 100% of myself and that's all anyone can ask of me anyway. Moreso, it's pressure because I need to figure out what I want.

The problem is that I just don't know what I want. Well, that's not completely true. There are a few different directions I can see myself going...but choosing one is the hard part. 2 of them are risky in terms of the fact that for them to work out, it would have to be the right position at the right time. The other is risky because it involves staying and growing in my current department where a position may or may not develop. It's hard to take on projects and tasks that I both like and think will help feed whatever I pick, when I don't know what that selection is and whether or not it will pan out in the end. It would be easy to say that it's failure I'm afraid of, but I don't think that's it. I would actually argue that to some extent it really is pure indecision - I think I could be really, truly happy in all 3 of the areas. I really like doing a lot of things, so how do I prioritize those and try to figure out what's going to be the best option for me? I'm just not sure.

Also, things are in flux in my department. In order to improve the service we provide to the firm, we're going through somewhat of a realignment...and it's really up in the air what this means for my role, but I'm nervous. I like what I do, and I really, really like working for my managers. They give me the freedom and flexibility I like, I know what to expect from them, they challenge and expect a lot from me...we just work well together. But now I just don't know what the next step is and how our structure will affect my ability to be content and fulfilled in my position. Hopefully it won't, but I'm nervous nonetheless. Guess we'll see...