Everything happens for a reason. I really believe that. Which is why I'm not bothered by the fact that I got home at 10:15 on Friday night...and why it didn't bother me a bit to end my night in a bar, in my sweats.
Let's take a step back. It started a while ago. For a reference see my blog about friends from a bit ago. I've been frustrated with one friend in particular for some time now, and that's been making me alienated from an entire group of them. And I don't know what the appropriate course of action is when a person stops enjoying spending time with her friends.
I know I'm part of the problem. Typically, I think I'm a pretty easy-going person and can adjust to most any situation. But for some reason I'm just disgusted with this one friend...and to some extent the whole group, and I can't seem to let it go. And it sucks. It sucks because on the one hand I just want to be done with the group - to just completely detach and say screw them all, I don't need this. But at the same time, I hate the feeling of being excluded - which is again partly caused by the distance I've been creating and is also part of my frustration. For as much as they can say things about how they never see me anymore, etc, they also never take a step to ask what's been going on, how I'm doing, if everything's ok, etc. Which, I suppose, might just make it harder, since I've decided I can't really talk to any of them about it (one excluded...although my attempt to talk to her about it was fairly unhelpful).
So I just don't know what the right answer is. I wish I did. I wish I could just get over it already. And at the same time I just wish I could be done with it. But life is never that easy, and all I can really do is wait until I am able to figure it out.
Oh, but you might be wondering what this has to do with everything happening for a reason. See, I wasn't really looking forward to the "girls night in" tonight. It started out ok though - just me and the one good friend of the group bumming and being goofy at Target. But then, as we were leaving, I noticed that my house key was no longer on my clip. Crap. And of course we had stayed there too long and needed to leave immediately, so we had no time to go back and look for it. My only option was to go get my roommate's key from him. The bad news was this meant meeting him on the east side since he'd already started drinking...the good news was it gave me a really good excuse to leave the "party" really early. Which I was glad for, because I was annoyed within the first 5 seconds with the rest of the girls and had essentially no fun at all. And then, of course, Eric had sent his BF to go rent a movie...with his keys. So I had to wait for him to get back so that I could get a key to get into the house. And THAT is how I ended up in a bar in my sweats. Oh well...at least I'm home now where I can feel like me again.
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