When It Rains...

So, as if my issues with wanting to ditch one friend/group of friends isn't enough...up pops someone I'd written off long ago. You may or may not know that one of my best friendships (dating back to middle school) ended when my friend's very new (like 2 dates) and very controlling BF encouraged her to act in a very un-friendly way while we were living together. It's not worth re-hashing all the cruddy details...the point is that I was through with her and hadn't spoken to her since we broke our lease and moved out of our apartment in Jan. of '06. Well, I take that back - I was included on a group email from her last spring asking if anyone was interested in going somewhere for "spring break," which I found to be completely bizarre and did not respond to.

This morning, however, I woke to an email from her. Interestingly enough, her first words were "I know you're probably surprised to be getting an email from me..." well, duh. Evidently she had a dream in which she went to visit another mutual friend who happened to live with me - so although I wasn't in the dream, in the dream she was at my house, and this inspired her to write me. She acknowledged that she had never apologized for the wrongs she'd done me and that she was a complete jerk to me during that time, and she said that she hoped it had worked out for me in the end.

So, now what to do? It's strange, because I feel like her name has been coming up a lot lately for me. I've recently shared our story with a couple people, and in the process have even admitted to another and myself that I miss her and that I wish things had gone differently with our situation. Our friendship goes back a long time, and through a lot of things - she was essentially an extension of my family, an extension of myself. There are so many times I feel lost with something I want to share that I know only she would understand. I'm thankful to have a lot of people in my life who I would consider "close" - however, I also acknowledge that there are some people who understand another better than others have the ability to - with some people there is just a natural understanding. These people are few and far between. She was one of these people for me.

Back to the question at hand - is it too little too late? Or, is forgiveness the answer. It's a hard decision. If I want to draw a correlation to another friend with whom I've severed ties, I have left his attempts at repair unanswered. However, I don't think the harms in question now come anywhere near those done to me by this other individual. With him, the fact I always come back to is that the problems stemmed from a lack of quality in him as a person, and moreso, as a friend, that I don't believe have improved since. He was manipulative, selfish and truly intended to hurt me. As I already mentioned, I have a lot of good friends, and I don't believe he has the capacity to be a good friend to the extent I deserve or care to have in my life.

However, I don't know if I can claim the same things in this case. Was I hurt by the friend who wrote me today? Yes. However, do I think she intended to hurt me? No...I think the biggest problem for me was that she didn't take me into consideration at all, in a situation that completely impacted me. Also, I was concerned to see her so quickly manipulated and controlled by someone who I was afraid was not good for her. Now they're married, so another potential con to writing back and mending whatever can be mended would be finding that it's as bad as or worse than I thought it could be.

At the same time, maybe her reaching out is an implication that she needs some support. Maybe something isn't right. Maybe she just really is sorry. Maybe I should just let the whole thing go. I just wish I knew. I wish I had someone who could tell me what to do in several of my current friend situations. They're wearing on me, and I need to get it figured out sooner rather than later...