I'm currently reading Renegade, a journalist's inside account of Obama's race to the White House. One thing I've liked so far, is that there was pretty substantial discussion of his decision to run.
Something I've wondered about for a long time is how a person gets to that point. I'm sure lots of kids declare that they're going to be president when they grow up, but I wonder how many presidents actually had their sites set there during their formative years. Or, is it more something that an individual somehow stumbles into? Do many just know they want a life in politics and then all of a sudden realize "hey - I've got a shot at being president. Let's try this"? Or is the road navigated more carefully and calculated? I'm just curious...
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 29, 2009
From Some Other Beginning's End...
It's been long since I wrote here, I know. I could list a multitude of reasons and excuses why, but they don't seem to matter much. Important to me is that I'm finding my way back.
As I was revisiting and reorienting myself with my prior musings, I was struck with some amusement at one of my last posts where I talked through my feelings about my Associate of the Month award. Why? Because for the past month and 13 days, I've been laid off. For the second time in my 6-year career "history".
The whole thing's been quite the experience. I'm still not sure how a person goes from being recognized as an invaluable resource within her department and organization, to being told that she was not the right fit for any of the positions in the new department structure and therefore there "just isn't a place for you" - it was much more difficult to process than my last layoff experience. This time I didn't expect it, and I actually liked my job, which (I'm sure you're surprised) makes a huge difference.
But the point of this story is not a sad one. Because anyone who knows me well, knows that I really believe that everything happens for a reason, and I really do look for the opportunity for everything. And I have to believe that I've found it. 2 days from now I'll be midway through my first day in a new position. It's exciting - a newly created role with the Medical College of Wisconsin where I'll have great benefits, a great bump in pay, and from what I know so far, great coworkers.
The part that I'm less confident about is the position. Initially, the idea of building a role from the ground up was exciting to me - I'm a creative, strategic thinker, and I don't like others to tell me how I need to do things. I like to solve puzzles, and I like to figure it out for myself. I think this role will offer me that. Beyond that, however, the problem is that I just don't know. Because no one knows what the role will entirely entail. And that's a little scary.
Over my time at Baird I was really lucky to be part of a team that fostered individual development and really encouraged me to learn about myself - to find my strengths and my passions. To learn what makes me tick. And now I just have to take a deep breath and have faith that this role is going to fulfill me, now that I know myself so well. I need very badly to believe that in this new position I'll be able to continue to explore myself, use my talents, and grow my skills. I can only hope that, benefits and pay aside, this is the right next step for me as a professional and as a person.
However, anyone who knows me well, also knows I have a tendency to worry. So the faith I need to have is a little hard to keep up right now. Especially as I have been sitting idly for more than week now, going over and over what I know and what I don't, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting to jump in and get down to work. A day and a half to go...and then hopefully I'll be able to renew my faith. Hopefully.
As I was revisiting and reorienting myself with my prior musings, I was struck with some amusement at one of my last posts where I talked through my feelings about my Associate of the Month award. Why? Because for the past month and 13 days, I've been laid off. For the second time in my 6-year career "history".
The whole thing's been quite the experience. I'm still not sure how a person goes from being recognized as an invaluable resource within her department and organization, to being told that she was not the right fit for any of the positions in the new department structure and therefore there "just isn't a place for you" - it was much more difficult to process than my last layoff experience. This time I didn't expect it, and I actually liked my job, which (I'm sure you're surprised) makes a huge difference.
But the point of this story is not a sad one. Because anyone who knows me well, knows that I really believe that everything happens for a reason, and I really do look for the opportunity for everything. And I have to believe that I've found it. 2 days from now I'll be midway through my first day in a new position. It's exciting - a newly created role with the Medical College of Wisconsin where I'll have great benefits, a great bump in pay, and from what I know so far, great coworkers.
The part that I'm less confident about is the position. Initially, the idea of building a role from the ground up was exciting to me - I'm a creative, strategic thinker, and I don't like others to tell me how I need to do things. I like to solve puzzles, and I like to figure it out for myself. I think this role will offer me that. Beyond that, however, the problem is that I just don't know. Because no one knows what the role will entirely entail. And that's a little scary.
Over my time at Baird I was really lucky to be part of a team that fostered individual development and really encouraged me to learn about myself - to find my strengths and my passions. To learn what makes me tick. And now I just have to take a deep breath and have faith that this role is going to fulfill me, now that I know myself so well. I need very badly to believe that in this new position I'll be able to continue to explore myself, use my talents, and grow my skills. I can only hope that, benefits and pay aside, this is the right next step for me as a professional and as a person.
However, anyone who knows me well, also knows I have a tendency to worry. So the faith I need to have is a little hard to keep up right now. Especially as I have been sitting idly for more than week now, going over and over what I know and what I don't, and waiting, and waiting, and waiting to jump in and get down to work. A day and a half to go...and then hopefully I'll be able to renew my faith. Hopefully.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Memorial Skeleton
At the prompting and recommendation of a number of friends whose opinion I value, I've begun watching the TV show Lost from it's original episodes. I just finished #4. The episode ended with a "memorial" in which they took a moment to remember each individual who didn't make it through the crash by reading their name and any information they've been able to gather from their passport, etc.
While running the risk of being morbid, it made me wonder. What would someone be able to gather about me in a similar situation? At this point in life, my passport would be blank because I would have just gotten it for whatever trip I was making...hmm...
While running the risk of being morbid, it made me wonder. What would someone be able to gather about me in a similar situation? At this point in life, my passport would be blank because I would have just gotten it for whatever trip I was making...hmm...
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
Wow
I'm so completely overwhelmed. The assistants on our staff meet every Tuesday. During our meeting this morning, there was a knock on the door and suddenly in walked most of the rest of our department, as well as associates from multiple other areas. They were coming to let me know that I was nominated for and selected as Associate of the Month. It was one of the most overwhelming, moving and also uncomfortable (in a good way, but still uncomfortable) things I've experienced. They read from the multiple nominations that were written on my behalf (some of the content of which proved to me how very long ago the process was had been started), and although it was hard for me to deal with that much attention, it felt so good to hear the things they had to say. I do know that my coworkers appreciate me - they don't really hesitate to give praise - but to know that they went to that much trouble for me was really uplifting. Although I may be frustrated, it's so good to know that my efforts are recognized.
Although, getting that much praise also makes me feel unworthy. Hearing how perfect they think I am only makes my flaws stand out more to me. I don't think I'm as great as they think I am, and it's a lot to live up to. Which is good, because it's motivating, but it's also stressful. Because I don't know if I ever will be able to.
Although, getting that much praise also makes me feel unworthy. Hearing how perfect they think I am only makes my flaws stand out more to me. I don't think I'm as great as they think I am, and it's a lot to live up to. Which is good, because it's motivating, but it's also stressful. Because I don't know if I ever will be able to.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Choose or Lose
In one of those "confess a bunch of stuff about yourself to your friends when you're bored or procrastinating" sort of email surveys, a friend of mine once completed the sentence "Love is..." with "an obligation." I won't go back and re-hash my feelings about that response (I disagree, for the record, and have been through the discussion with a number of individuals - if you want to discuss it with me further, just ask), but another similar question has been posed to me recently.
I attended the wedding of a good friend from college on Sunday. Several times during the service and reception speeches, individuals referred to love as a choice that is made. Again, I don't think I can agree. If love were a choice, it wouldn't be as complicated as it is. It would never hurt - because saying that it is a choice implies the ability to turn it on and off. And I don't think we do that. I don't think we choose whom we love any more than we choose the color of our skin. I think love is something that finds us. I don't think that kind of emotion and attachment is something we decide - it's just something that happens.
This is also, I think, the thing that makes it joyful - one of the most sought after things in most people's lives. The way it sneaks up and takes a person by surprise is the same thing that makes it both challenging and wonderful. But I just can't think that any part of it is something we choose. Can we choose whether or not we are open to love? Certainly, but isn't choosing not to love, it's just denial.
And all of this speculation makes me nostalgic. I had a lengthy and lovely email conversation about the nature of love 5 years ago (gasp - I'm so old) with a male, eventually resulting in the best compliment I've ever received. I really, really wish I still had those emails. I also really, really wish I still talked to him - that sort of discussion is something I could use more of. Although, maybe part of what makes me look back on it so fondly is that it was limited. Who knows...and maybe I don't need to.
I attended the wedding of a good friend from college on Sunday. Several times during the service and reception speeches, individuals referred to love as a choice that is made. Again, I don't think I can agree. If love were a choice, it wouldn't be as complicated as it is. It would never hurt - because saying that it is a choice implies the ability to turn it on and off. And I don't think we do that. I don't think we choose whom we love any more than we choose the color of our skin. I think love is something that finds us. I don't think that kind of emotion and attachment is something we decide - it's just something that happens.
This is also, I think, the thing that makes it joyful - one of the most sought after things in most people's lives. The way it sneaks up and takes a person by surprise is the same thing that makes it both challenging and wonderful. But I just can't think that any part of it is something we choose. Can we choose whether or not we are open to love? Certainly, but isn't choosing not to love, it's just denial.
And all of this speculation makes me nostalgic. I had a lengthy and lovely email conversation about the nature of love 5 years ago (gasp - I'm so old) with a male, eventually resulting in the best compliment I've ever received. I really, really wish I still had those emails. I also really, really wish I still talked to him - that sort of discussion is something I could use more of. Although, maybe part of what makes me look back on it so fondly is that it was limited. Who knows...and maybe I don't need to.
Book Review: Nineteen Minutes
by Jodi Picoult
I'm a frequent critic of a book that tries to accomplish too many things. Nineteen Minutes comes very close to that line. The storyline follows multitudinous characters and its complexities are never-ending. And yet, it is told so well that I can hardly find this as a flaw. Had Picoult been weak in any one part of the plot, I may not have been as forgiving - but lucky for us both, she did not.
The novel centers around an event that lasts 19 minutes, during which a student goes on a shooting rampage in his high school, and encompasses flashbacks to the characters' childhood, adolescence and their days, weeks and months immediately preceding the shooting. Then, the author follows the same characters through their mourning, recovery and the trial. All of these pieces are interwoven seamlessly so that, although the chapters make leaps in time from one to another, the order appears to the reader the most natural thing plausible.
The issues covered are numerous - and this is where my only criticism falls. I find myself curious to know more about nearly all of the characters, and would almost prefer a series of stories told from each perspective to allow a more in-depth look at their nature and thoughts. Alas, this is not available to me, and so I must rely on my own thought and imagination - which is never a bad thing. However, despite the novel's 451 pages, I was left wanting. Both a good and a bad thing. Good, because sometimes books that leave themselves tied up in a neat package with a red bow can be unsatisfying; bad, because I think to some extent this is due to a lack of full exploration. Additionally, the buildup seemed more complete than the conclusion, which felt somewhat rushed and simplistic following the complexity of the majority of the story.
However, despite any want for depth I may have had, I have to commend Picoult on her character development. There was not a single character to which she failed in establishing for me an emotional connection. The most significant of these being the "villain" of the story - the shooter. She strikes a key balance in bringing out the lovable, as well as the challenging, in each of the story's characters which allows for the reader's full exploration of emotion.
Generally, the book was not only quick and easy to read but also thought-provoking - a combination that does not present itself frequently. It's absolutely worth reading.
I'm a frequent critic of a book that tries to accomplish too many things. Nineteen Minutes comes very close to that line. The storyline follows multitudinous characters and its complexities are never-ending. And yet, it is told so well that I can hardly find this as a flaw. Had Picoult been weak in any one part of the plot, I may not have been as forgiving - but lucky for us both, she did not.
The novel centers around an event that lasts 19 minutes, during which a student goes on a shooting rampage in his high school, and encompasses flashbacks to the characters' childhood, adolescence and their days, weeks and months immediately preceding the shooting. Then, the author follows the same characters through their mourning, recovery and the trial. All of these pieces are interwoven seamlessly so that, although the chapters make leaps in time from one to another, the order appears to the reader the most natural thing plausible.
The issues covered are numerous - and this is where my only criticism falls. I find myself curious to know more about nearly all of the characters, and would almost prefer a series of stories told from each perspective to allow a more in-depth look at their nature and thoughts. Alas, this is not available to me, and so I must rely on my own thought and imagination - which is never a bad thing. However, despite the novel's 451 pages, I was left wanting. Both a good and a bad thing. Good, because sometimes books that leave themselves tied up in a neat package with a red bow can be unsatisfying; bad, because I think to some extent this is due to a lack of full exploration. Additionally, the buildup seemed more complete than the conclusion, which felt somewhat rushed and simplistic following the complexity of the majority of the story.
However, despite any want for depth I may have had, I have to commend Picoult on her character development. There was not a single character to which she failed in establishing for me an emotional connection. The most significant of these being the "villain" of the story - the shooter. She strikes a key balance in bringing out the lovable, as well as the challenging, in each of the story's characters which allows for the reader's full exploration of emotion.
Generally, the book was not only quick and easy to read but also thought-provoking - a combination that does not present itself frequently. It's absolutely worth reading.
Book Review: How to Rig an Election
by Allen Raymond
After reading Allen Raymond's How to Rig an Election, I have but one question: How did this guy get and stay married? I mean, seriously.
The book calls into question all that is truly at the heart of morality. Raymond graduated from college and after a few years in the work world, he asked himself "what's next?" and decided to go back to school for politics - not for a love of government or any of its pieces or forms but rather because he thought he might be able to do it. What followed was a downward spiral into a life where there was only fuzz, never a line, between what was right and wrong, where the only thing that mattered was success. In all my disbelief for the things that occurred throughout his story, I was also mesmerized, because I think his story is very real. Lines are blurry, not only in the political world, but everywhere. Raymond's case may be an extreme example and his candor may be unique, but he's such a case study for the reality of our world today.
A key question comes toward the end of the book, when Raymond's wife says to him "At the end of the day ... it comes down to who you are. When you're alone and confronted with yourself, do you like what you see?" I won't tell you how he responds, but I will tell you that by this point in the book, I was surprised by the answer. At the heart of this book is not only a story about the political world, but one man's struggle with morality. With Raymond, the reader experiences a struggle to weigh success and value with acceptability.
I was a little nervous picking up Raymond's story. My take on our government and political system tend to be a little more cynical than I'd like them to be, and it's easy for me to lose my normal positive outlook when I feel overwhelmed by some of the truths of the world around me. They're weighty. And I feared this story would put me into one of those states. Luckily, although the path the book takes is definitely one of uncovering the unsavory realities of the world, its open nature almost makes up for the problems it uncovers. Instead of making me downtrodden, it made me nearly empowered - more confident in my ability to think through to the truth and to make my own decisions rather than to take at face value.
All in all, Allen Raymond's memoir of conspiracy is not only a valuable inside look into the political climate that is especially prevalent in our current election year but also an examination of the human condition and the struggle for power and success as well as the process of deciding right and wrong as well as the line of acceptable individual behavior.
After reading Allen Raymond's How to Rig an Election, I have but one question: How did this guy get and stay married? I mean, seriously.
The book calls into question all that is truly at the heart of morality. Raymond graduated from college and after a few years in the work world, he asked himself "what's next?" and decided to go back to school for politics - not for a love of government or any of its pieces or forms but rather because he thought he might be able to do it. What followed was a downward spiral into a life where there was only fuzz, never a line, between what was right and wrong, where the only thing that mattered was success. In all my disbelief for the things that occurred throughout his story, I was also mesmerized, because I think his story is very real. Lines are blurry, not only in the political world, but everywhere. Raymond's case may be an extreme example and his candor may be unique, but he's such a case study for the reality of our world today.
A key question comes toward the end of the book, when Raymond's wife says to him "At the end of the day ... it comes down to who you are. When you're alone and confronted with yourself, do you like what you see?" I won't tell you how he responds, but I will tell you that by this point in the book, I was surprised by the answer. At the heart of this book is not only a story about the political world, but one man's struggle with morality. With Raymond, the reader experiences a struggle to weigh success and value with acceptability.
I was a little nervous picking up Raymond's story. My take on our government and political system tend to be a little more cynical than I'd like them to be, and it's easy for me to lose my normal positive outlook when I feel overwhelmed by some of the truths of the world around me. They're weighty. And I feared this story would put me into one of those states. Luckily, although the path the book takes is definitely one of uncovering the unsavory realities of the world, its open nature almost makes up for the problems it uncovers. Instead of making me downtrodden, it made me nearly empowered - more confident in my ability to think through to the truth and to make my own decisions rather than to take at face value.
All in all, Allen Raymond's memoir of conspiracy is not only a valuable inside look into the political climate that is especially prevalent in our current election year but also an examination of the human condition and the struggle for power and success as well as the process of deciding right and wrong as well as the line of acceptable individual behavior.
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