Things with Which I Disagree - Part I

So, I'm part of this discussion group...and the topic for tomorrow is kind of wacky. The leader of this week's topic sent us to read this blog that got me all sorts of feisty. In case you're interested, here's a link: http://www.woundedpig.com/about/

I should have known it was going to frustrate me from the very beginning:

"Bloggers have a responsibility for their words, because words change people. I fully expect that what you read here will change you, whether it’s through encouragement or chastisement, support or criticism. You’re looking for answers, just like me. Since I’m going to help you find those answers, I am indebting myself to you for what I say.

This weighs on me. I don’t wield that power lightly."

Now, I think there's some validity to this. I do think what people read/hear impacts them in some way, shape, or form. However, I think the emphasis he puts on this and the weight he says he carries because of it express a deep-seeded arrogance that makes us not get along from the get-go.

One of our "assigned" readings was his blog on Immigration. He expresses that we have a problem with immigration that is actually a problem in which too many people are deserting their own countries. He says:

"This country is free because we made it that way. We used to be under a dictatorship. We used to be oppressed and exploited. We used to be serfs!

The thing is, we did something about it. We shrugged off our shackles and overthrew the oppressors! From the Boston Tea Party through the Constitutional Congress, we made our Freedom happen, and we deserve the freedom we have.

Rather than come here and take our freedoms from us, let the deserters do the same things we did. Shake off their own oppressors in their own countries."

Now, I have a few problems with this. First of all, the way he uses "we" here - as if he or I had ANY part in the battle our nation fought for freedom. I'm sorry, but just because you're enjoying the benefits established by those who came before you does not mean you get to accept any credit for that process. Additionally, I don't know how much of a comparison he can make between the process of gaining independence that was gone through by the early American settlers and that of many current US immigrants. Chiefly, those who settled in the US had the opportunity to completely remove themselves geographically from their oppressors and create a "fresh start". Also, although I do agree that immigration reform is needed, one of my biggest problems with anti-immigration arguments is that it seems as though no one can stop and remember that the majority of "Americans" are immigrants. The only true natives of this country were themselves oppressed - BY THE VERY PEOPLE WHO WERE TRYING TO ESCAPE OPPRESSION! Ok...enough of that.

He goes on to say:

"Look at the straight economics of it. Americans need more-than-the-average amount of natural resources. For example, our entire country is based on the highway system and auto industry, so we need oil and steel to get around. There use to be enough oil here, but that hasn’t been true since the early 1970’s or something. Now we have to import it all. We don’t have enough resources for ourselves here, so we can’t share with others.

So if you’re thinking of coming to America for the resources, the news isn’t good: You’re better off staying home. Your own country’s resources certainly ought to be good enough for you. After all, they’re good enough for us — we’re importing them as quickly as we can."

Now, come on - Americans "need" more than average? Really? Do we? Or do we just like and use more. Are you sure it's not just that we're used to using more? Now, I'm not saying I'm not as big a user as everyone else - however, I also recognize that, as a middle-class American, I'm pretty much living the life of luxury compared to most of the world. Also, it's fine to mention how much we're importing...but are we really importing from the areas from which the largest numbers of immigrants are coming? Probably not. Get a more valid argument. Thanks.

In another prescribed post, my new not-so-BFF talks about the American under-privileged... but I'll save that for another day. For now I need to go find a way to be positive :)

Book Review: Sufficient Grace

by Darnell Arnoult

I picked up Sufficient Grace on a whim, like I do most books. I wanted a CD that wasn't available in stores...and since I could get free shipping if I spent $25, of course I needed to find more things to buy. It sounded like the plot would be complex and interesting, so I added it to my shopping cart.

When I started the book, I was a little worried that the "main" character was a little too kooky for me to get attached to and that I wasn't going to like the book. But I was wrong. Chiefly, I was wrong in assuming that the central character in the book was actually the "main" character, when actually, although the story is in some way in all places attached to her, it is more about those around her and the way one situation can affect so many in various ways. Discovering this in the way that I did, a little at a time, made this message sink in even more that it would have had I connected with the central character from the first page.

In many ways, the book is about journey. It's about how things happen that we're not necessarily expecting, and that we don't necessarily want - but that these things allow us to find parts of ourselves that we'd never before recognized. It's about how our lives are completely and utterly intertwined with those around us, and even with some individuals we may not even know. It is the embodiment of the Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
The courage to change the things I can;
And the wisdom to know the difference."

My only issue was that the book tried to take on a few too many connections, and in the end a few of them were underdeveloped. I actually felt like the material could be separated into two separate works, allowing the author to offer us as much of a tie to the B-level characters as we are granted to those with the most face-time. Maybe there is or will be a sequel...

:)

Spring is coming. I swear it is. This morning when I left for the gym, even though it was still dark, the birds were chirping, and I haven't heard that in a long time. Plus, when I was on my way home from the gym there were two robins hanging out in the middle of the street together. Yay! :)

Call to Action

Do I believe in signs? I'm not sure. Not necessarily in the sense that most people would consider "a sign" I suppose, but I do believe there are things around us that can impact our thoughts/actions if we are open to noticing them. That being said, there were a lot of things that jumped out at me over the weekend. Things like the series of movies we watched on TV, a particular song at a particular line when I turned on the radio, a line in the book I'm reading...

My cousin Ben lived his nearly 20 years so fully...so fearlessly. And I feel sometimes like my fears are really restricting. Over the last 2 years, I've thought a lot about how I can actually learn from Ben, and put that into action. And I think what it comes down to is that I need to just do it. And now, more than any other time, I think I'm facing an opportunity to do just that. To put myself "out there" in a way I never have before. To risk a little bit of myself for a potentially really good situation. And, really, I could see it as a win-win situation. I SHOULD see it as a win-win. Because regardless of the end result, I will have overcome a hurdle. Now, if I can just convince myself of that, we'll be good to go ;)

Finally!

Ever since I moved, I've been missing my old gym for multiple reasons. The equipment at my new gym is older and lower-quality - and there's less of it. Also, the new gym opens half an hour later and I have at least twice the drive to get there from what I had, so my actual workout time has been significantly reduced. I miss the regulars from my old gym...and I really miss the desk worker. He was always sunny and would greet me with jokes and stories, etc.

Naturally there are tons of regulars at the new gym too, they're just not the same and have been hard to crack. But, as of recently a lady who's usual locker is only a few down from mine has started including me in on convo while I'm changing my shoes, stashing my coat, etc. So that's nice. And even better, the new desk worker has started to greet me with my name! I know it sounds ridiculous, but it means a lot. I think we really broke some ground when I lost my membership card and had to get a new one :P I'm sure she's just a more reserved person from my old desk buddy, but it's nice to know that she sees me as a regular - more than just giving me the same locker every day.

Timing is...Everything?

I'm pitiful...really, I am. First of all, I was supposed to go out tonight. But, funny how this works, I didn't feel like spending time with anyone I don't want to spend time with...so here I am watching the Bachelor instead :P In the Bachelor's pre-interview, the host asked him why he hadn't found love yet. His response was that he had found love, but that the timing wasn't right. He claimed that a lot relies on timing. I suppose this is somewhat true - I mean, if you're not in a position to be open to the possibility of what's in front of you, you're not going to recognize it. However, I wonder what this does for the notion of finding the right person.

Let's take this TV dude's example. If he's saying what caused the demise of his previously love-filled relationship was timing, then what's to say she wasn't the right person?

And then I still go back to the question - is there only one person out there for each of us? I've heard both sides of this argument, and I'm not sure where I fall. Of course the romantic in me enjoys the idealistic nature of the notion that each of us has a soulmate with whom we're somehow connected and to whom we will somehow find our way. But I don't know.

I am, however, confidant that there is at least one someone out there for everyone. When I find mine, then maybe I'll understand it better...

Life Puzzle

I was on my way downtown a couple hours ago and drove past a place I had an interview for a job I really, really wanted. It was quite a while before my position was eliminated, and the job was working on a portion of a conference program - so totally up my alley. Obviously I didn't get the job, and at the time I was disappointed. Now, though, I can't help but be glad. Because I can't fathom how the path my life would have taken were I working in that position. I'd have missed out on a lot of great things in my last months at RR (I know - bet you never thought you'd hear me say that! Trust me, it's not RR related things so much as nice little things I came across in the process of working there). I would, obviously, not be working where I am now, and therefore would have missed out on learning a LOT of stuff about myself. I may not be working on a team that's as supportive as the one I'm part of now. And I'd have missed out on meeting a lot of great people.

It just always blows my mind to think about the way the building blocks of the moments and events in our lives fit together to make a seamless chain. That's why I try hard to always appreciate every link...

Me, By Any Other Name...

First of all, I have to confess that I'm stealing this from Joe. When I read about his name on his blog, of course it made me want to read about mine! Interestingly enough, we share an entire section of our descriptions...so now I'm curious what parts of our names does that :) Anyway, here's what it says:

You are a seeker of knowledge, and you have learned many things in your life.
You are also a keeper of knowledge - meaning you don't spill secrets or spread gossip.
People sometimes think you're snobby or aloof, but you're just too deep in thought to pay attention to them.

You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone.
You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together.
At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together.

You are relaxed, chill, and very likely to go with the flow.
You are light hearted and accepting. You don't get worked up easily.
Well adjusted and incredibly happy, many people wonder what your secret to life is.

You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in.
You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising.
You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care.

I think it's pretty accurate aside from a few small pieces...and the entire last section. Anyone who knows me will read that and laugh. I suppose to some I could be considered a free spirit, but I think only within bounds...which is really contradictory, but it's true. I don't know really how to explain it. And although I'm somewhat independent, I also appreciate all the people and supports in my life, and I think I know when I need help - and I'm not afraid to ask for it. Everyone likes to be taken care of sometimes...

This also leads me to question whether or not this is a nature or a nurture issue. Do our names fit us, or do we grow to fit our names? My mom didn't want to name me Kelly - my grandma did. So had my mom not given in, would I be different? I know I'm not supposed to know, and I'm who I'm supposed to be...but I'm still curious. Can't help it. It's just my nature...

Life Happens

I went to a show Friday night and it was really good. The second "band" debuted a song. It was about a series of photographs and what goes on between the shots - which is when they said real life happens.

I've been thinking about this concept a lot over the rest of the weekend, and I love it. I wish I could quote the lyrics to you, but I was too wrapped up in the song to stop and memorize...and it's too new for me to find them anywhere. So you're just going to have to take my word on it.

So if we look at the bigger picture of life, what does this concept look like? It actually has a pretty current tie-in for me, so I keep looking at it as the things that happen between what we plan for. Or things that we find that we're not necessarily looking for. Sometimes the things that sneak up on us and then burst open like a confetti-filled balloon can bring along with them the best and most enjoyable parts of life.

And the overall message, then, is what? To just go with the flow and let life happen? Or maybe to just keep your eyes open to the surprises life holds? Or maybe even just to stop and really appreciate those surprises when they come your way. I'm enjoying every minute of mine right now.

Creative Fodder All Around

Seriously, I feel like I could watch people forever. There are just too many unique characters in the world. I was at a show tonight and was surround by all sorts to take in.

And so then I was of course thinking of my plan to get myself writing. See, I love to write. And I would really, really love to write a novel...but I have problems with the getting started and the creative part. I can write forever about myself or things around me...but when it comes to fiction, I lock up. I think I put too much pressure on myself to figure it all out at once. I don't know. So I thought up this plan whereby which I observe people in real life and create fictional characters and stories around them. But for as long as I've had this idea, I've never actually started it. And so now I'm sitting here wondering why. It still feels too hard. I need some way to break it down and start smaller.

Or maybe I need to just stick with my strengths, for a while at least, and keep writing nonfiction with more frequency. This blog will help, assuming I can keep going with it. And maybe I can start with just describing what I see, and go from there.

Baby steps write a book...

But for now I'm cold and need to go get snuggly in my bed :)

This One Goes Out to the GOOD Guys...

Subtitle: Amazingly I Still Believe They Exist

If you haven't yet, please see my previous post about the TV show Big Brother. I'm going there again - to start at least. The sluttiest cast member this season is a male named Matt. In a recent episode he was talking to one of the girls in the house. Yes, granted, they were sitting on a bed, but they were sitting at least 3 feet apart I'd say, and talking about something completely generic. So generic I don't even remember what it was, so for the sake of this discussion we'll say it was about the weather. The point is nothing even remotely flirty. All of a sudden, while one of them (I think she) was in the middle of a sentence he pounces like a lion and starts making out with her. No warning, nothing. I've got a hint to all you fellas out there: that's really not a great approach. Don't get me wrong, every girl likes to be taken by surprise once in a while, but for the sake of Pete at least make sure the mood is right!

So then it made me think about my sordid dating and non-dating history...and I've decided to document, from experience, a guide of things NOT to do if you want to get a girl.

For starters, let's just put this out there - don't tell a girl you could see yourself marrying her if you think you might be gay. I'm just saying.

Also, if you're on a first date, try to plan more than one question. And find some memory tricks if you need them. Just don't ask her the same question 5 times or more. She will most definitely consider the 2 hours you spend together among the longest of her life.

Don't be dirty (in, you know, a slimy, filthy, icky way). If you've been pursuing a girl for a few weeks, don't suddenly disappear for any amount of time to your car with the known slut of the bar. It's really not flattering. Also, if your own brother implies you're not good enough for me - with examples, well then I'm probably not going to date you. Oh and one final note on this one, this is not a good line: "Do you like to dance? I don't really like to dance but I would dance with you. You couldn't wear those shoes though because if I were dancing with you, I'd want it to be romantic and I'd probably step on your foot and that wouldn't be very romantic at all." We like it when guys are a little bit nervous, but if you're already not batting very high, this isn't going to help. Oh and P.S. going on vacation with your baby's mama ain't so hot either...ok, really, I'm done talking about him now.

Next! It doesn't matter how phenomenally hot you are and how great your moves are. I'll be able to resist making out with you if you keep walking away to use the same moves on a girl about 8 feet away from me. Just because she's that drunk and you're that drunk doesn't mean I am. Sorry hottie, your loss...although you're still really beautiful. It's such a shame. That could have been fun...

If you're going to talk to me, just do it. Don't stare at me all night and then when I'm on my way out the door say "Wait, you're leaving? I was just coming to talk to you" - because you'll be too late. And you probably already creeped me out with the staring.

Speaking of staring. If you stop hearing from me, there's probably a reason. Yes, I know, I should be a grownup and tell you I'm not interested. But if we've only exchanged 2 emails previously, how much explanation do I really owe you? And this does not give you the right to stare at me whenever you see me. Please see the previous note about staring. You're not going to convince me to talk to you that way. I'm still going to make every effort to completely avoid you and hope that you never talk to me. Just give up. Please. If I were interested, I would not avoid you. Just trust me.

And a few notes from my most recent pursuer. Dancing is fun, but if you want to make me interested you have to actually talk to me at least a little. And it doesn't count if you're singing to me Ice Ice Baby or any song in which every other word is %itch. It also doesn't count if our entire 5 minutes of actual conversation consists of you talking trash about where you're from and telling me never to go there (West Allis)...if you grew up there, what does that say about you? Just think about that.

A few notes to all those online-types as well: I know not everyone hearts grammar as much as I do, but please, please at least try to make whatever you write (especially if it's your first point of contact) readable. Also, if you're going to make it that obvious you're just looking for the booty call, you've got the wrong girl. Remember that you need to actually start a conversation - if you say "hey you look cool let's chat", I'm not going to respond. If you are the one who wants to talk to me, you need to TALK to me. And finally, if you don't know me, please don't call me baby.

All that said, I'm really not high maintenance and as picky as this might sound. What works better? Be yourself. Be interesting. Be sincere. Make me smile/laugh. Challenge me and make me think. I give bonus points for sarcasm, a good comeback and some really good witty banter.

She's Got Legs

Tax season is both a very good and a very dangerous time for me. The return is beneficial, of course. However, getting a nice big "check" like that gives me a shopping bug. My focus this time around? Knee-high boots. It started as a whim and I found a clearance pair of brown ones. I wasn't too sure about them, but like my roommate told me, "They're $30," and for a pair of tall boots, you can't really beat that.

I wasn't super thrilled about the brown, so I went in search for a black pair...which I found for around the same price, but in suede, which I was just so-so on. I ordered them anyway. They came today and I don't think I ever want to take them off - they look so good! And feel good too ;)

Also, Krista found a coupon code for 40% off these other ones...and I got those too. They were a little more than the others, but still a good deal - and different. Black, not suede, and a shorter, wider heel than either of the others.

So what's the moral of the story? I'm addicted to boots. But the good news is I think my shopping bug has been officially killed - I hope - for now. Not to mention that I'm going to look darn good!

Possibility of Perfection

So anyone who knows me knows that I don't really hide the fact that I watch a lot of reality TV. This is for a variety of reasons that I'd be more than happy to share with you if you're really curious...but that's not my focus right now.

Recently I added a new show to my schedule: Big Brother. In some ways this show is the least interesting among reality TV (there's just not much to it in the grand scheme of things), but at the same time it is one of the most interesting because it is completely a study in sociology. And it seems like they're upping the ante. This time they've paired off the contestants in couples defined by "compatibility testing" completed based on their interview process and told them during the pairing process that they were "potential soulmates."

And obviously a lot of the time part of the goal of reality tv is to get people to pair off naturally so as to create storylines that draw viewers, but this is adding a completely different dimension. When you tell someone that a person could be their soulmate, doesn't that automatically create a curiosity and tune the individuals into seeking out fact to support the possibility. And hence it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Sheer brilliance on the part of the BB writing and casting crews.

However, I suppose this result only holds true if the participants believe in the idea of soulmates. Which, obviously, in this case comes back to the casting, but still it would be interesting to see how it would be different in a situation with a cast that wasn't completely sold on the soulmate mentality...or that was maybe half and half. But that would be another show.

So this makes me question my own views on the idea of a soulmate...and I'm just not sure. But I also wonder, what makes a soulmate? What does that look like?

And then, about the compatibility testing situation. I'm curious what makes people compatible. Is it similarities...or more along the "opposites attract" mentality? Or a combination? Are there certain factors or combinations that are absolute in a functioning relationship?

And really, when it all boils down to it, there's the question of whether the "scientific" factors weigh in at all, or if it's all just something innate and indefinable. Maybe someday I'll have something other than questions on the topic:) In the meantime, it's fun to be curious.

Just a Little Nibble

This morning I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth and saw a spot moving on the floor. We all know how I feel about bugs, so I spent a minute freaking out and then looked closer - a ladybug! I had 2 living with my for a long time after our housewarming party, but they've been gone for quite some time now. So what can I get from my new friend but a little bit of hope. Hope that spring really IS coming. And that something bright and cheerful is just around the corner.

So what do I name my new buddy? Joy, maybe? Sunny? Yeah, sunny I think. Next time I see him, I'll try it out and see how it goes.