Stopping, starting

Friendships are a curious thing.

We build them like we do romantic relationships, and yet the rules are somewhat different. Unlike a boyfriend, I can't break up with one of my friends when I realize things "aren't going to work out between us" - and this situation is kind of tough.

Let's talk not-so-hypothetically about my friend "Kathy." I've known for a long time that we had different viewpoints on the world and that we were very different people - however, we've gotten along fine, and really, who wants to be friends with a clone of themself? Although there have always been things about her that I didn't agree with and that have bothered me (she is superficial and self-centered), I've been able to just let comments roll off my back - probably because for the most part I didn't feel like they were directed at me. Not that that made them right, it just made them easier to stomach - until now. Why? Well, the one obvious thing - the snottiness has been directed at me. And on top of this eating away at me, it's also put me into a position to really see her true nature and how I just truly don't approve of her attitudes and behaviors.

So now what's the answer? The best and most obvious would seem to be to stop associating with the friend. (Well, I suppose maybe the best would be to start by talking to her about it, but part of the problem is that she's so detached from reality that I don't think she would realize/acknowledge any fault of her own and I would just end up feeling worse) However, this becomes harder when the friend is completely intertwined with a large number of other friends. So I'm forced to decide between spending time with my friends and being able to eliminate a cause of friction from my life. It's just not an easy decision to make. And I think it's completely unfair that the onus is on me to make it, but sadly, that's the way it is.

If anyone has recommendations on dealing with someone who is completely superficial, I'd LOVE to hear them... I think I need to figure this mess out sooner rather than later.